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| Still Think Toevah Doesn't Effect Us |
This March, history was quietly made in a Saturday morning "Orthodox"
minyan
(prayer quorum) at Brandeis University. Avi, a 22-year-old then-college
junior from the Boston area, was called up to the Torah for an
"aliyah".
While nothing was said outright, and he had been chosen for no
particular reason, the unintentional message was clear: complete
acceptance.
eicha heysa kezonah, maybe we should give out aliyas to jews who decide to become michelel shabbos
Two days before his
aliyah, Avi (some names, including this
one, have been altered for confidentiality) tacitly confirmed his
sexuality in front of a weekly Jewish learning group for the Brandeis
"Orthodox" Organization (BOO) known as
Mishmar. For Avi, "coming out"
was “a whole process,” that began with informing “a few close friends”
during his sophomore year. Avi then told his family, who, despite being
shocked, were “wonderful about it.”
Avi told friends who knew he was gay to let the rumor about his
homosexuality spread through the community a few days before his speech
in order to ensure a large attendance,
and then spoke about the
"importance" of accepting gay members of the Jewish community.
this is the danger of this movement, If we are strong in this movement especially during election this tragedy never would have happenend After
implicitly revealing his "true" sexual identity, Avi says, “[his speech]
was well received, a lot of people came up to me and thanked me
to make a rasha in to a tdadik is the worst avera possible, said it
was long overdue.” News of his sexuality “spread through the Jewish
world in a cool way.” On a trip to Israel, Avi was congratulated by a
stranger who had heard of his coming out.
The conversation and attitudes around the acceptance of lesbian, gay,
bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Jews are not well-defined in Modern
Orthodox Jewish society,
though being gay may not carry as much of a
stigma as one would think. According to Avi, most of the hesitation in
the Jewish community is due to the tone of the conversations surrounding
the topic. Avi feels that “growing up through the day school and
yeshiva gap year system, I only heard about homosexuality in pejorative
contexts.
That conversation needs to change, and we must deal with this
head-on.”
and if we don't start fighting they will win with most formally Orthodox Jews. every single Jew who supports pro toevah politicians is directly responsible for this mess!
The conversation largely started in 2001 with the release of
Trembling Before G-d,
Sandi Simcha Dubowski’s documentary detailing the hardships of being an
""observant but gay Jew. Other notable contributions to the discussion
included
Wrestling with God and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition, the 2004 book by "Rabbi" Steven Greenberg, the first openly gay "Orthodox" rabbi, and the 2011
Declaration on the "Torah" Approach to Homosexuality,
a document written by a group of 25 rabbis, mental health professionals
and people who claim to have overcome their sexuality, and which
rejects any integration of Torah observance and homosexuality.
Where is our statement of principles against this? Even the torah deceleration cowed away from dealing with the chiyuv gamur to ostracize all members of the "toevah community". The "toevah community" means here those who identify themselves by their assur lifestyle, not those who are over on mishkav zachar who don't identify themselves by such behavior(or worse "proudly" identify themselves). The later we have to miakrev, the Former are hopless because they turned an averah in to a mitzva! We (from Satmar to YU) should have put all those who advocate for "orthodox" acceptance of mishkav zachar itself in cherem (not just those who practice it) this especially includes the leaders of all "Jewish" toevah groups!
In 2010, a group of "Orthodox" rabbis and educators met to face the
rising issue of LGBT Jews directly. They convened and published The
Statement of Principles, an official statement as to where these rabbis
stand on the LGBT movement and Judaism. The Statement contains the
signatures of more than 200 "rabbis"
and Jewish leaders, both male and
female
.
many if not most of the "rabbis" are chovevei torah types One prominent name featured on the list is "Rabbi" Dr. Haskel
Lookstein of the New York City-based Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun (KJ)
and the Jewish school Ramaz.
his grandfather the Ramaz is rolling over in his grave
Lookstein says that his community is “non-judgmental,” and though he
cannot speak for all of KJ, his institution’s stance is that:
“Homosexual sex is a serious sin, but is completely separate from the
acceptance of a homosexual person as a Jew and as a human being, who
merits respect, love, welcome and encouragement to be part of the
community.”
If a person identifies themselves by a forbidden behavior they are classified as a min.
This concurs with The Statement of Principles, which states that:
“All human beings are created in the image of God and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect (
kevod haberiyot).
Every Jew is obligated to fulfill the entire range of mitzvoth between
person and person in relation to persons who are homosexual or have
feelings of same sex attraction. Embarrassing, harassing or demeaning
someone with a homosexual orientation or same-sex attraction is a
violation of Torah prohibitions that embody the deepest values of
Judaism.”
the Torah agrees with this statement provided those people are trying to keep the Torah but sometimes fail, Unfortunately due to the current moral climate in the world today most people who have the desire for mishkav zachar today want to change the torah!
To Lookstein and his community, someone who is gay is like someone
who does not fully uphold the laws of Shabbat or kashrut. Lookstein
assures that he would not throw out someone who did not follow those
rules from his community, and believes the same should be applied to
LGBT Jews. He says that in some ways he has “greater empathy” for those
who are gay than for those who break Shabbat, because for the former
group, it is not a choice.
And DR Lookstein also can't understand that by a person identifying themselves by their forbidden sexual behavior they are now transformed into a mumer lehachis.
The "observant" Jewish LGBT organization Eshel, founded in 2010 and
based in New York City, does not believe that the
Statement is a
finished product, but, rather, a “great first step,”the last step involves spitting on the Torah or Worse according to Miryam
Kabakov, Eshel’s director and co-founder. Eshel hosts retreats,
weekends, speakers, education initiatives and support groups for family
members of out Jews who want to learn more about guiding their loved one
and themselves through the challenges ahead. Kabakov is inspired by the
newest crop of Modern Orthodox leaders,
and believes that there is a
good chance for them to become even more accepting than the current ones
due to the fact that there are “so many positive images of gay people
in media now, in TV and in the news—as long as Orthodox communities are
there with the world, they will have a better chance of being more
accepting.”
and the more we help those rishaiempush toevah the worse this problem will get.
For Kabakov, the most difficult part about being an LGBT Jew in the
Modern "Orthodox" world is the feeling of “knowing that you can’t go back
to place you grew up in. There are very few places I feel comfortable in
an Orthodox
shul. Going back there you have to hide who you are,
who you want, what they want, but [they] look at you like you have a
disease or something’s wrong with you.” Despite these feelings of
alienation, Kabakov says that she started Eshel to try and reconcile her
sexuality and her Jewish background, which she enjoyed and considers it
to be the “greatest gift my parents gave me.” For Kabakov, Eshel is the
one place she can feel these two separate entities of hers are “in
sync,” and uses the organization to reach out to other "observant" Jews
who are gay or are questioning their sexuality.
Although the Brandeis community immediately embraced Avi and his
homosexuality, members of his home synagogue were not as quick to
accept. According to Avi, “
it’s a generational thing,”
we don't even know how destorctive this movement and the effects of it's laws will be on our children and he received
lots of stares and some cold receptions from various adult and
rabbinical figures both in and out of his community.
Recently, a rabbi from Avi’s home
shul gave a Saturday morning
sermon condemning the Boy Scouts of America for accepting gay members,
and giving into public pressure
why can't the Moetzes or a "rebbes" come out with a simaler statement. This speech was given shortly after
Avi’s coming-out, and on a Shabbat when Avi was in attendance at the
shul. Despite moments like these, many members of Avi’s community have come to support him and his sexual orientation.
Even Jews who consider themselves to be from “the more "observant" end of the spectrum” are altering their attitudes on
frum (observant)
LGBT Jews. JL, an Orthodox young adult from the New York area, says he
would accept an LGBT Jew as part of the community if he or she “realizes
it’s not an ideal situation and takes appropriate steps.” For JL and
other members of his community, it’s not about whether they are gay,
it’s about how gay Jews display their sexuality. JL is stringent in
observing commandments and tradition, taking on more than most Jews,
such as wearing a black hat and kippah the fact that they can think a person is more observant based on a yamulka shows we have another serious problem, besides mishkav zachar, and
eating only strictly
kosher food. JL and his compatriots view being gay as akin to being “an
alcoholic” or an “adulterer,”
an alcoholic” or an “adulterer doesn't publicly identify themselves as a member of those communities. Also an alcoholic not chayuv misah and believe that there should be attempts
to “reform” their homosexuality in the same way that an adulterer or
alcoholic would seek help and try to make amends for their behavior.
Despite the disconnect between chosen and not-chosen behavior, JL’s
ideas are niche in that in some ways they are still accepting, but still
have far to go to be considered within the secular American mainstream.
Some rabbis and Jewish communities are not as "tolerant" as Lookstein
and Eshel. Rabbi Steven Pruzansky, of the popular Congregation Bnai
Yeshurun in Teaneck, New Jersey, keeps a prolific blog, infamous for the
anti-Obama post “The Decline and Fall of the American Empire.” Though
he declined to comment for this article, his statements on gay rights
are littered throughout the website. On his blog, Pruzansky questions
the moral and societal implications of legalizing gay marriage,
wondering if it will lead to “polygamy? Polyandry? Polyamory?
Poly-want-a-crackery?” Rabbi Pruzansky cites Talmudic and other textual
sources for his views.
In another blog post on the topic, from last December, Pruzansky
attacked "
Rabbi" Akiva Herzfeld of
"chovevei torah" Portland, Maine, an "Orthodox" rabbi who
came out in support of gay "marriage", stating that Rabbi Herzfeld
“renounced (your) heritage, abandoned the Torah, and embraced the
political correctness of the age – just as the Hellenist Jews did in
ancient times.” Essentially, Pruzansky told Herzfeld that he’s no longer
a
Orthodox Jew due to his stance on LGBT members in society. From these
writings, it appears unlikely that Rabbi Pruzansky would accommodate an
LGBT member in his synagogue
that is a mumer lichachis.
Some Orthodox rabbis have suggested that their gay congregants
undergo reparative therapy. Reparative (also known as conversion)
therapy is dangerous
according to homosexuals because it implies that there is something wrong with homosexuality. According to statistics from the Human Rights
Campaign (a gay rights advocacy organization), based on a study
conducted by San Francisco State University
most studies are predetermined by who foots the bill, those who undergo
reparative therapy have increased risks of suicide, depression, sexually
transmitted infections and narcotics abuse. The American Medical
Association (AMA) “opposes the use of ‘reparative’ or ‘conversion’
therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a
mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient
should change his/her homosexual orientation.” Other organizations, such
as the American Psychiatric Association (APA), have also voiced their
concerns over conversion therapy and its damaging effects on its
victims. The use of the practice on minors was banned in the state of
California in 2012.
 |
| Why The APA Says repetitive Therapy is harmful |
Although the practice of conversion therapy has come under attack,
Arthur Goldberg, co-director and co-founder of the organization Jews
Offering New Alternatives to Healing (JONAH), a group specializing in
reparative therapy, maintains their position on the process. According
to Goldberg, numerous studies have been conducted that “clearly indicate
that change [of sexual orientation] is possible” through therapy.
Goldberg contends that the therapy methods that JONAH supports see the
sexuality as just a “by-product,” and seek to treat what they see as the
individual’s issues with “self-esteem and self-worth,” as they believe
these are the true underlying issues. Goldberg stated that “the jury is
out” on the position of the APA and AMA; furthermore, the JONAH website
cites Dr. Robert Spitzer’s study on the effects of reparative therapy
for its main defenses of the practice. In 2001, Spitzer conducted a
study entitled “Can Some Gay Men and Lesbians Change Their Sexual
Orientation?” and concluded that it was possible, despite numerous
controversies surrounding the study and the manner in which it was
conducted. A little more than a year ago, Spitzer retracted his findings
and admitted that he was “wrong” about the conclusions he drew from the
data and about the study in general. Goldberg maintains that Spitzer
“didn’t retract his claims; he apologized for any harm he may have
caused.” Despite Goldberg’s beliefs, there are rabbis who have changed
their views on reparative therapy. Rabbi Fred Nebel, from Midwest Torah,
a Judaic learning group in Indiana, says that after reading more about
conversion therapy, he’s “not going to advise people to do it,” despite
initially supporting the practice and signing the
Declaration on the Torah Approach to Homosexuality.
The former head of the APA Nicholas Cummings, who is led the fight to declassify homosexuality as a mental illness, has admitted gays can change!
For Avi, the Brandeis student, his “world shifted for the better”
after coming out. He is currently looking to date other men, and is
looking at the Jewish community, but not specifically the Orthodox one. aycha haysa kizonah
College is a time in which many gay young adults come out to their
friends and family. For "Orthodox" LGBT teens, the decision to come out is
even more difficult because of the "perceived taboos", and due to the
fact that they generally live in their respective Jewish communities,
where the attitudes toward gays is still unclear
and this is the problem it should be very clear it's assur. For "frum" teens who
identify as LGBT, there is a mix of hope and trepidation in their future
paths.
as the expression goes you can't dance at 2 chassunas, or as happened it says in milachim (18-23) ad masey atem poschiem al shitai hasifiem: how long will you dance between 2 opinions
Gidon Feen has just graduated from a yeshiva high school in Memphis,
Tennessee. At a graduation party, he gets up in front of the kids he’s
gone to school with for years. In mere seconds, after Gidon reveals that
he is gay, the room erupts into applause.
Two years before he came out, Gidon “accepted” that he was gay. It
took time to tell everyone, but Gidon says the reason for his coming out
was due to the fact that “over the past two years, I just realized more
and more this is who I am, this is me and I got sick of not being
myself with my friends and people I interacted with. This is who I am
and I want people to know that.”
According to some of the frum
LGBT Jews I spoke to, there is
worry about being able to attend shul and keep friends, and about how
people will look at them when they walk down the hallways. There were
also mentions of fears of physical harm against them and/or their
friends and family. According to Gidon, however, the reception after his
reveal “was unbelievably amazing, and beyond anything I would have
imagined would happen.”
Gidon’s next stop is college—in the fall will attend The George
Washington University (GWU) in Washington, DC, a school known for its
political activism, as well as its significant Jewish and gay
populations. Gidon is looking forward to college and “
living an open gay
lifestyle.”
so they want as Rav Yoshe Ber Soloveichik said to sin and feel good about it He wishes to “stay "Jewish"” and date men. It hasn’t all been
easy, however, and for years he experienced crises of faith whilst
reconciling his identity. He is still searching for the answers to many
more questions,
such as how to have sex without committing a sin.
notice he doesn't look to abstain from having sex
In researching the article, many of those interviewed asked to remain
anonymous due to possible repercussions. However, if the anecdotal
evidence here is to be believed, though there are differences of
opinion, there is a consensus of tolerance and support for LGBT Jews.
Ben Schneider, an openly gay "Orthodox" graduate of the University of
Pennsylvania, says that Orthodox Jews now recognize that “they have gay
friends.” The conversation could go many ways from here, but it seems to
be looking up for those who have lived in fear for a very long time.
There’s a phrase used by many different communities, which does describe the situation accurately: “It gets better.”
only if your a sonei hashem
(
momentmag)
